Don’t Take Your Fertility For Granted
Written bravely by: Nerissa D'souza
This is my family of three: me, my husband Richard, and my 2-year-old son Preston. Looking at our family, we might not match the image you think of when you hear about infertility.
I was recently diagnosed as perimenopausal, which essentially means that at 39 years old, my ovaries started failing, I had irregular periods, a low ovarian count, and drastic fluctuations in hormones.
After getting married in 2018, we tried for a child and got pregnant almost immediately. This pregnancy led to the birth of our precious and beautiful son, Preston. I liked to joke at the time that my husband just looked at me, and I got pregnant! In 2019 the story was very different. After several failed attempts at getting pregnant and miscarriages-I knew something wasn't right. I reached out to my family doctor, who did preliminary hormone level testing.
Much to her surprise and mine, my hormonal levels rang alarm bells, and she referred me to a fertility specialist. Thus began my journey with secondary infertility- where a review of my charts and repeat testing affirmed that I was perimenopausal.
I proceeded to get a second opinion where I was given a chance to proceed with fertility treatments, all of which led us to eventually come to terms with the fact that our family of three was going to remain a family of three, at least from biological means.
To explain how I felt about the last three years: The pregnant me- hated being pregnant, and it was no secret. What shocked me was learning that I was far from alone with these feelings. It's normal to hate the pregnancy journey, but no one talks about it. It's a faux pas to discuss the physical and emotional turmoil alongside pregnancy.
I researched why we as women don't share and discuss some of the more challenging aspects of pregnancy. Women were supposed to be these beautiful, dainty, gorgeously glowing humans who didn't discuss their emotions, sadness, and therefore their fertility journey. It makes me angry that even in 2022 we are still taught and told by our family and friends to not share our exciting news about early pregnancy "just in case". I get it: it sucks to share great news and then share bad news, but such is life, and if you are not generally a private person, you should NOT have to go through any of this on your own and abide by societal norms. So please, I implore you all to share and rely on each other when you need to.
The going through fertility treatments me: Looking back, if I knew I would be slapped in the face with secondary infertility and not have another pregnancy, perhaps I would have embraced it all very differently. I still beat myself up over it, but I can't change the past.
The current me: Helping to bring awareness to perimenopause and the truth behind my experiences. I found pregnancy far from glorious, but I urge you not to take it for granted: treat it as though it might never happen again. Also, remember that you don't have to do it alone, and you don't have to keep your feelings and experiences to yourself. By being open, honest, and supporting one another, we can remove some of the stigmas around pregnancy and infertility and make everyone's journey a little easier!